Staying together for the kids is a common reason that people opt not to get divorced. They think it will just be too hard on the children, so they stay married even when they both, as adults, just want to end the relationship.
Is this wise? Staying together for the kids may not be the best option you have.
Long-term vs. short-term outcomes have to be considered
One way to think about your situation is by comparing the potential long-term and short-term outcomes of a divorce. When parents say that divorce will be hard for the children, they typically are referring to the short-term impact, whether they realize it or not.
Yes, going through a divorce can be tough for the kids, who thrive best on stability and routine. They may not really understand why these changes are happening. You need to support them in any way that you can.
However, experts note that the long-term impact of a divorce can be far different. If you were in an unhappy marriage with a lot of conflicts, getting divorced can actually be far better for your children.
Living in a home where the parents fight constantly — even if it never turns physical — is very hard on kids. Staying together and forcing them to endure this type of atmosphere could actually be much worse for their growth and development than splitting up and then working together to co-parent. If divorce makes the parents happier, it can make the children happier, as well.
Exploring your options when you’re unhappily married
You want to think about your children as you explore all of your divorce options. Consider what you can do to make this go smoothly for them, how you can put their best interests first and what rights you have as a parent. Protecting your relationships with your children is actually part of the goal when you go through a divorce.